moving

almost 2 am and that 16 ounce latte at night was not a good idea sleepwise. going back to the east coast for the holidays this wednesday (weather permitting). excited to see the family, especially the new baby, but have a feeling the visit might get a little lonely. was looking at my friend list on facebook, and out of almost four hundred and fifty people, if i put out a last minute bulletin asking people to hang out this weekend, i'd probably get less than a five percent response. things have changed so much, and literally almost everyone has moved away. i keep on holding to this strange idea that once i finish training, everything will work out and this awesome job in manhattan will appear and all my old friends will move back. but what the fuck? people drift apart, and while all of my old close college, med school & residency friends have moved on with their lives, i haven't. i've been through enough bittersweet anticlimactic 'reunions' to know that there's not much more to talk about after the requisite 'it's been x number of years since i've seen you. so what's new? nothing...' followed by awkward silence and retreat to the bathroom/bar. i live life backwards and romanticize my time spent in manhattan yet forget the hours of unwelcomed (and welcomed) solitude. sometimes i can't help myself, and everyone else has just forgotten.